Hello…

I’m K. This is my recovery journal. I suffer from anxiety, depression/suicidal thoughts and am a (mostly) recovered self-injurer, and, well, I’ve seen it said many times that a recovery journal is a useful step for recovery.

Plus I’ve wanted to do one for a while to share my thoughts on other interests, such as politics, animal rights, feminism, art and music etc.

I’m on prescription Atarax atm to treat my anxiety, and had been going to counselling for a while but stopped as my original counsellor left due to illness(I don’t know what was wong with her, although I worry that it was just a lie I was told and that I was too difficult a client 😦 ) and with the new counsellor from the organisation who replaced her, I was finding it upsetting and not helpful (or maybe I was having a breakthrough? Or not getting on with my counsellor as an individual? I honestly don’t know. I may go back at some point.)

I’m still working atm- well, actually I have two jobs- I’m a self employed artist and I work part time in retail. Plus I’m a bit of a hygeine freak so cleaning feels like a third job! I’ve not been formally diagnosed with OCD but everyone says jokingly that I’m a bit OCD… what I do definitely have though is emetophobia (a fear of vomiting) so the hygeine-obsession and anxiety goes hand in hand with that. (And I’m tired most of the time, yet at the same time I feel guilty for never having done enough to feel satisfied with what I’ve achieved!)

I’ve tried hypnotherapy for my phobia but although I felt great just after it (happier and more relaxed than I’d felt in as long as I could remember), having had a panic attack while someone felt ill, I’m not sure if it’s just not worked, or whether I need to go back for another session- I think I will next month when I get paid though.

One thing I have done since the hypnotherapy session though is meditation- I’d tried this a while ago and just couldn’t get into it, but after the hypnotherapy it seemed easier to get into. I still use guided meditations, as I can’t seem to do it alone, or just by listening to a sound. I’ll make another post in the future with some good free ones I’ve found on youtube.

I’ve also found some of Flylady.com’s tips for being organised and looking after yourself helpful- although I have to admit I’ve not started doing all her habits as yet. I will make another blog post talking about this in more detail. Now, I know I said I worry about hygeine but to me, clean and tidy are similar but different! And I may be clean but I’m certainly not tidy!

I’ve also found Kati Morton’s Healthy Mind, Healthy Body videos on youtube really useful- and she is a strong advocate of recovery journals so this one here is partly inspired by her and I’ll try some of her suggested topics which I feel are relevant to me.

 

Anyway, that’s all for now, here are some useful links- 

Kati Morton- http://www.katimorton.com

Flylady- http://www.flylady.net

To anyone reading this, please stay safe and give one of these numbers a call if you need immediate support-

The Samaritans- http://www.samaritans.org

NHS 24- http://www.nhs24.com

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